I don’t often sit down at coffee shops on my own. But, I just bought a MacBook so cue pretentious all-natural pine and industrial decor and terrible-tasting coffee.
Anyway, the desire to write more is the real reason behind the MacBook and the coffee shop. And while I sit here, trying to suck something creative from my almost-limp brain, a couple of young guys take the table next to me.
Firstly, they smell fucking terrible. I was pretty sure that nothing you could eat would make your breath smell so bad that it starts to seep into the skin of the people at the table next to you. Mostly, now I wonder whether we can smell our own stink. And now I’m wondering if maybe I smell like ass and I am just immune to it.
Moving along, the thing that’s really getting to me about them is the conversation. Yes, I’m writing this in real time as they sit next to me.
They both sound like really intelligent young lads. They’re talking about some new business venture and stock markets and volatility and women. Now, I usually don’t care enough to listen in but lately I find myself rather intrigued by how people carry their conversations in public. Also, I’m close enough to smell their breath, and they’re loud enough to entice a mob.
While these two guys sit here, speaking so loosely about women, in the middle of a small crowded coffee shop, I want to react. I really just want to do something that makes a statement.
“Are you thirsty for that?” “Yes but she’s married.” “She doesn’t come across as smart.” “Maybe after a year at this new job she’ll be smarter.”
If I were a different person, hell, if I were a braver person, I would fart so fucking loudly right now. I would let my lady-butt rip. And I feel like me farting, loudly enough to interrupt their conversation and make them feel so uncomfortable, would be the equivalent of my situation.
But alas, I am not that person, and I’ve moved to the table outside.
