So I’m a fan of bathroom breaks.When people get too much, I retreat to the bathroom for some peace. I totally understand why men do it.
At work, there’s a bathroom on the other side of where my area is. I go all the way there, so as to avoid seeing any people I know on the way or, heaven forbid, in the bathroom itself.
There’s nothing more awkward than a bathroom conversation.
Me: “Hey!” (hoping for nothing more than “hey” back)
Lady: “Hey how are you?? Where are you off to? I haven’t seen you for a while!”
Me: “Yeah they don’t give us as much water to drink here. Less bathroom breaks. Increases productivity. This is my one chance...”
 |
| Even a little bit funny for you? |
 |
| Lady: "Haaaaaa...." |
Lady: “So how’s work going?”
*toilet flushes*
Me: “Sorry what?”
Lady: “How’s WORK GOING?”
*hand drier thing makes noise*
Me: “Yeah hey!”
 |
| Lady: "What's wrong with this kid?" |
It just never ends well. I’m also not a fan of speaking in the toilets because you don’t know who’s listening.
My favourite part of bathroom breaks is the prayer meetings that people have while doing a number 2. There is one specific woman who, EVERY TIME she walks in to the bathroom, starts chanting the name of Jesus.
“J-j-j-j-j-j-jesus. Thank you Jesus. Ahhh Jesus Jesus Jesus, praise Jesus.”
Now either she has been constipated for a really long time and shit is going down (pun intended) and she's super stoked about it, or she is just another one of those religious people who ruin other non-religious people’s bathroom breaks. She always ends up in the cubicle right next to me, even when the other 12 are open.
Her: "J-j-j-j-jesus thank you god sdaiurhakjsrhksjdhrkjsdhr *they call this ‘talking in tongues’*"
Me: "Jesus christ" (swearing)
Her: *JOINING TOGETHER IN PRAYER!!!!* "JESUS THANK YOU JESUS JESUS JESUS.."
Me: "Good god."
Her: *excited* "God is good he is good Jesus Jesus Jesus."
Me: *whispers* "Please no."
Her: "Jesus is lord. He is king mhsdjhgalffjs!!!!!!"
Me: *whispers* "But why me?"
Her: *bursts out into song* "Because heeeee is lord la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."
Me: *flushes without even peeing to drown out the noise*
Her: "WAAAAAA WAAAAAAA OHHHHHHHH LAAAAAAAAAA EEEEEEEEEEEE WAAAAAAAAA"
 |
| I imagined her to look something like this |
